We need clean slate friend: individuals who do not limit, but support our growth!

​While the language we speak to ourselves is definitely a major barrier to our growth and transformation, so are the relationships we maintain and frequent. It's often a hard pill to swallow that we may need to limit our exposure to things and people who anchor us to parts of ourselves that we no longer want to be because they do not align with our goals. 

How do I identify these relationships? 

Some of the common characteristics of people that cannot see beyond who we used to be (or their perception of who we are) or limit us based on their own insecurities (needing to feel superior to others or biases based on our past, socio-economic status, education, their lack of growth, etc.) are easy to spot, but hard for us to believe that that person may hold those views about us. One reason why we maintain those relationships is because they keep us in our comfort zones. 

* Don't support  our efforts or only support to a limit.

* We don't feel comfortable talking about our dreams, & when we do they don't really continue to engage the conversation.

* They may not talk to us about their aspirations in life.

* They are pessimistic or bring up barriers to our success.

* They are disinterested in our growth & the growth of others.

* When we  pursue our dreams, they decrease communication.

These are just a few characteristics within an unsupportive relationship. Ultimately, most relationships are formed based on a need and when that need is no longer served, the relationship deteriorates. Sometimes it's hard to pinpoint why a relationships has formed because it could be easily disguised if it occurred at work, at an outing, on social media, etc. 

For example, you may form a new friendship at work and assume it formed based on mutual interests and common ground, when in fact it formed because you admired their style and presence and wanted to possess those characteristics. Meanwhile, the other person may have needed someone who they could mentor or feel as though they were superior. You can see where this relationship might deteriorate faster on one end, once the person looking for a mentor begins to grow and come into their own. While they may still consider the new friend a mentor, the 'mentor's' needs are no longer served as the mentee grows. The 'mentor' friend may begin to disconnect as he/she feels the mentee has outgrown them. The 'mentee' may feel unsupported because he/she is not receiving the vibe that the mentor friend supports their growth. 

This is just one example of relationships that are not necessarily formed for a lifetime, but for our current circumstance or location. It doesn't mean that either person is bad but the relationship, as is, is not beneficial to expansion. While addressing it may appear to be the solution to the problem, it requires deeper work because it is an internal issue. 

What can we do if we find ourselves connected with someone who is unable to support your expansion?

Sometimes it's as simple as decreasing contact with that person or finding others that are in the position to share our growth energy. Other times we have to find a way to cope with feelings that lack of support bring in relationships that are a little more complex, like family. Because as friends, it is not my job to 'fix' anyone, I can choose to walk away and find relationships where our energies align (allowing for a clean slate or fresh canvas) or I can have a conversation with that person and express the feeling of lack of support. It would then be the responsibility of the other party to assess their actions and find its deeper meaning. 


Feel free to share your experiences with unsupportive relationships in your life, the feelings it brought up, and how you addressed it or are still deep within it. 


Stay Well,

Frankie Alisha

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