I'll preface this piece for context. As we get older and our behaviors and mindsets become more intuitive or spiritually connected (understanding that there is greatness in our path), we have little tolerance for things that do not align with that pedagogy. That intolerance led me to write this blog.
Let's just say that we've probably all been there and done that, twice over. You know, dealing with people that you're not quite sure if they fit your niche, have your best interest at heart, or are genuine friends or networks. Our intuition tells us, but our heart and flesh tug us in the direction of overlooking those small red flags. I'll be honest, it used to bother me that I had formed relationships where my genuine actions and want for them to be successful, happy, and healthy was not reciprocated. As I've matured emotionally and mentally, and become more intuitive, the only issue I have is not wanting to be mean and disconnect completely. As a young adult, my ability to easily disconnect was often perceived as a flaw, and now I long for the days where I could nonchalantly dismiss people without thinking about their feelings (meanwhile, I'll let the situation stew in mine).
At 37 and gaining some footing, where I want to be in life both personally and in my career, I find it hard to engage individuals who are not as supportive of me as I would be of them. At 25 the saying, 'They want to be invited, but they don't want to come." was concrete-a 'friend' literally wanted to always be invited, but didn't want to come to anything. More than a decade later, when that statement resonates with any relationship I have, it holds a much heavier weight.
It's those people who want to have access to you, but are not interested in you accesses your future or full potential. They want access to what you have to offer them (energy, an ear, sound advice), but have no plans in meeting your needs. They like having access to your energy, dreams, goals, and the idea of you, but they don't want you to leave them behind or travel further than they can go. They like having access to someone they feel is possibly beneath them in some area and have zero interest in you surpassing them in any area. They want to know all your business, but don't want to help you be about your business.
"They want to be invited to your best future, but have no interest in really seeing you get there, especially if its outside of where they can imagine you or themselves."
Does this mean they are bad people? No, it just means that you have to make a determination regarding whether this person is worth the energy and time you will have to put into them. Do you want to have extra baggage hanging around, taking up mental space that could be utilized on a relationship or goal that will help you reach your aspirations in life. And when we reach a point in life when we become fully connected with who God has created us to be (even in our flaws), we develop a conviction about maintaining those unnecessary and sometimes draining connections.
"There will always be people that we really want to take with us, but the reality is that they don't even want to go and they are disinterested in seeing you go either. "
1. Assess your relationships and determine if they are really for you achieving your goals-and I'm not talking about a cheerleader.
2. Figure out if the relationship is symbiotic. When you talk to them, how do you feel after-you might be energizing them, but you feel gypped after the encounter.
3. Determine if the relationship is supportive beyond words. If you have a need that they can meet or help you meet, are they willing to meet it or utilize their resources to connect you to a solution.
4. If the answer to any of these is no, then this connection might need be disconnected.
5. Don't be afraid to choose YOU.
Greatness in all aspects awaits you..... you just have to choose it.
My name is Frankie Reed-Shaw. I am a wife and mother of three. I love all things creative, especially writing thought-provoking pieces. I embarked on my journey of blogging about growth, maturity, and SPIRITUAL concepts about two years ago. My passion is expressing challenging ideas in hopes that myself, and others, engage in consistently thinking outside the box and strive to live a most authentic life, free of constraints. Don't be shy, feel free to comment your life experiences and wisdom on any post.